How do you deal with hate?

If someone or a whole lot of someone's hate you because you are a Jew, you're black, you're a woman, you are queer,you have a disability, you are different, what can you do? For a start, it's not a good decision to fraternize with them  in person (that's obvious you say) but not to fraternize with them in thought either. This is much harder to do. It means, if some person or group of people hate you, you have to try not to even let those thoughts in! How can you do that you say?
It is about not accepting those hate thoughts and using the energy with which they were sent to block those thoughts from hate filling you!
To be honest, I had hate thoughts last night about a woman writing a kids book inciting hatred about gays and I was filled with loathing and disgust. I spent hours thinking how I could write a counter book to make fun of her. What a waste of time, my partner said! Thanks Rhona! Now I feel compassion for the woman who so wants to be remembered for passing on a legacy of hatred to her children and others. And I have signed a petition against Amazon who are promoting it.
After having dug for a bit in the garden, I realise all is well and I am at peace and can do what I just said I would, which is use her energy but not the content of it.
Can you give this practice a try?

If you are an older queer

but not necessarily bolder queer, what are your options? If you are alone, then it is so important that you are part of some community so that you feel fulfilled. Don't go back to hiding in the closet. Push yourself a bit evedry day. Even if you no longer want a partner, keep playing ( with companions), pursue things you like doing and find like minded people whether queer or straight. It is important you get out as much as you can and see the world, that you laugh and share pleasantries with others. Find someone to talk to. Master the internet if you haven't already and find stuff to do online. Talk to me if you want. I am available at inchargelifecoaching@gmail.com Explore, and remember you are great!

Advantages to coming out

If you have decided to take the plunge and come out ( if it's safe), you will have awarded yourself a massive dose of self love, self respect, strength and courage. Other queers can look at your example and be proud of you and also realise that it's okay to come out of the closet, simply because you have. It is a risk BUT IT IS WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT! If you need help making the right decision to come out (or not) then I can help you with that. You may have to weigh up the odds for and against and sometimes a good listening ear can help you sort out your options. Check my website on http://www.inchargelifecoachingonline.com . It is okay to not come out as well, if you can prove to yourself that that is the better option. Make a decision.Good luck with that!

self acceptance and safety

Self acceptance is one of the keys to self esteem. This is of course, also part of one's identity and can cause a problem when society does not reflect back to you who you are.  You have been through all the painful discoveries of who you are ( queer or have some kind of disability or illness). I am not lumping these all together because they do not equate with each other in any way what so ever. However, each person in the above category is different from the norm and thus has to accept or reject the truth of their existence.( we are all conditioned to fit in through societal pressure) If you accept it, then you still have to negotiate the problem of society's acceptance of you. And this can be extremely difficult, especially where queerness is illegal or a disability is frowned upon or pitied. Surprisingly,people with disabilities in Russia and Iraq are actually taken care.
So if you have been through the pain of self acceptance, only take that image of yourself outside to society if it is safe. Take care. Check out my website at http://www.inchargelifecoachingonline.com

Self acceptance and difference

It is difficult and sometimes painful to accept that one is different from everyone else - maybe you are queer, maybe you are a genius, maybe you have an intellectual disability, maybe you have a rare disease, maybe you are a nerd. Whatever it is, it is important to remember that you are you as noone else is! You have a right to be who you are, you are glorius just the way you are!
If you are different, that it's highly likely that there is not going to be a miror out there saying you are okay, you are normal! It is therefore , in your hands for you to find the courage to accept yourself, for there lies a lot of strength and self love. It is always in your hands to accept yourself, and for you to know that your path of difference can make you stronger rather than weaker. Let me help you with this. Contact me on inchargelifecoaching@gmail.com I used to live the difficult story of lack of self love and lack of self acceptance, but I tell you this way of honouring self and being all of who you are, is much more fun!

Self acceptance

If you can't/ won't accept yourself as who you really are, how can anyone else? I used to think I had to hide who I was. I was ashamed, afraid and guilty even that I was who I was. But really, how could that be, when I was just being myself? The law of Relativity www.one-mind-one-energy.com tells us that nothing is good or bad until we relate it to something. This applies to us as well. We only think we are not okay as gay/lesbian/whatever if we relate that thought to some of society's hate thoughts for LGBTI people. We are actually wonderful in the fullness of who we are. So even though it may be difficult to accept that you are different, it is easier in the long run, and certainly more loving to accept yourself. This will increase your self esteem/ If you need help with this, then please contact me on inchargelifecoaching@gmail.com

Self confidence

Self confidence is about trusting in your qualities and your abilities. It is about trusting that you have a connection with it all, that you have a right to be here or there! It is about knowing your worth, knowing your value and presenting as that. This is important to self esteem and to living in the fullness of who you are!

Why does integrity matter?

Ingegrity is part of self esteem. If you want to get on in life, if you want to be successful, to be whole, then you need to examine your inegrity and self respect. That sounds a bit heavy you say. Well it's the truth! We can easily see that to have a politician in power who has no morals, is a bad thing for the country. But can we see that that person is not being integrous and will in the end, damage him/her self? They may have a lot of external power (over others) but over themselves, virtually none. So let us examine our own integrity and self respect first, and make plans to change.
I can help you with that. Just contact me at inchargelifecoaching@gmail.com  Thanks for the opportunity. First session free!

Identity theft

When you let society tell you you are straight, when you know inside, that you are not, you are allowing society,  to steal your identity! You are being complicit in this fraud. I know that sounds really hard, but it's the truth. Especially in a country where homosexuality has become decriminalised, there is only you, with your internalised homophobia, that is keeping your true identity hidden. I can understand it, in a country like Russia, where many LGBT people remain hidden and in fact lead double lives to survive. If they were to come out and reveal themselves, then there may be death. On the other hand once one comes out, another will follow, and so on. If you can,don't let society steal who you are! You are an amazing person and the world needs to know you as you are!

courage

Courage is the ability to do something frightening according to the Oxford dictionary. It is strength in the face of pain or grief. May we all find strength to come out from our holes of hell and be present and be who we are, whether we are heterosexual or homosexual. Kia Kaha!

The world is responding

more and more to being out, and that means whoever you are, wherever you are. When are we going to stop being afraid of who we are? When are we going to stop hating ourselves? And when is there going to be no more hatred in the world about differences of any kind. Let's start with ourselves, right now! Peace.

Show your true colours

Wearing a pink shirt today shows that you support anti homophobia and anti transphobia! This is an internationla thing so even if you're in Russia you could wear a pink shirt. Probably very risky there so you might even wear it underneath your other clothes and only show it to those who you trust. In 1990 The WHO declared homosexuality not to be a mental disorder! Isn't that amazing that 13 years ago if you were Queer you would have been treated as if you had a mental disorder! In some countries of the world, it is, still, unfortunately, like this. Let us be brave if we can, and support Queers! The funny thing is that if you often wear pink, and happen to be wearing it today, but are not aware of the WHO decree, then you too are supporting it unwittingly! Lol!

Come out in the fullness of who you are

Be present in your life, if you want to have the best time possible, if you want to give the best of yourself! This means coming out! Don't hide behind the cabbages and pretend you are not as special as you really are. This includes those (like myself) of the LGBT community, their families and friends. Say who you are, what you believe and how you live. Increase you self esteem by this simple thing of coming out. It isn't that simple though is it? We will explore more of this in future blogs. This applies particularly to LGBT community because society assumes you are heterosexual unless you say you are not. By recognizing "queerness" in yourself, and living it, you automatically have to /or not , make a choice about coming out. My suggestion is, that it improves your self esteem, and that's a good thing. Again we will explore more later, so go for it! Contact me for help with doing so on inchargelifecoaching@gmail.com

Why do you hate yourself so much?

Have you ever wondered why you keep on criticizing yourself and in effect giving yourself a really hard time, saying you're not good enough, you don't know what you are doing, you don't deserve blah blah? If you have wondered, then it's time to look at your self esteem and to take steps to change. It doesn't help yourself or the world for you to hang on to these thoughts you have internalized from the past. I can help you with this, easily, effectively and lovingly and it's all online! 

Why it's easier to procrastinate

It's easier to say, "Oh I'll get around to it one day" than actually dealing with the problem. You know you won't do it, you may notice yourself getting a funny twist to your mouth or look in the eye, and you may notice you have a certain feeling in your stomach. This means you know you won't do it, but you tried didn't you? What does stop you? Is it really laziness? Well it could be, it could be that you've decided that it's too much work and that you should do it, but it's too much hard work. What about trying the thought that you want to do it, rather than should? Down with all shoulds!

Hocus Focus Pocus

This sounds like a lot of gobbledygook but Hocus Pocus Focus does make a lot of sense. In order to get something done, in order to realize your dreams, in order to be successful, you really have to work the magic with your brain and remain focused. When you do achieve this state of positivism, and gratitude and commitment to doing the work and taking the effort to make something happen, it will surely eventuate. This means that, when you know (and this is a knowing deep within yourself) that you are doing what you need to do and you are doing it consistently and relentlessly, you will have to succeed.

Mothers

Did you remember to say happy mother's day or is it too late? Do you remember to thank your mother (and father) forgiving you life every day? It's a great habit to get into, whether they are dead or alive.

Negativity is a brain drain

We all need to find a way to release negativity in our brains, and therefore in our bodies. Tapping the EFT points is one such way! You start at the top of your head, move to top of eyebrow, move to side of eye, below the eye, in the cupid's bow, just above the chin, and on the collar bone. These points are the final point for specific meridian energy lines in your body and this is where negativity is stored. If you tap these points and go over all the thought associations with particular traumas then you can release them.Go for it, baby! 

Lucky

Today I feel so lucky! What is that you ask, well its good fortune. But what is that/ Well I was born with lots and lots of advantages, and since I became aware of my responsibility to my Life, I have been looking after myself, my physical, mental, spiritual. And I give service, so I'm lucky and for that I'm very grateful. Tapping negative energy away tomorrow.

Tapping negative energy away

This may seem like a ridiculous thing to do, and you may even feel foolish when you first start, but I tell you, it's a great technique for releasing traumas that have been around for years and have been blocking you becoming successful. See next blog for further details on this. I will be referring to Pamela Bruner's EFT work. Thanks Pamela.

Why the past keeps popping up

Have you ever wondered why your past keeps popping up? Well it's locked into the Left hemisphere of your brain along with all the attitudes, beliefs, feelings and thoughts that you had back then.  The Right Hemisphere will always try to balance that out with the present which hopefully is going much better than the past! But the balance is not always successful. You may think you have got on top of a bad experience only to find it coming up again and again and then it somehow gets linked to other "bad" memories as well. Over time, a person can become somewhat deluded, and can not get ahead with their goals, until those old memories are laid to rest. There are ways to do this, so keep watching this space! 

What matters

What matters varies from person to person. However there are some things that remain the same. Success matters to us, respect, dignity, a sense of fulfillment, friends, family and a feeling of belong matters to us all. The things we can do something about are success and a sense of fulfillment. These things do matter, and they are in our hands.

Weather

Whatever the weather, can you find it within yourself to create the sunshine and the rain for nurturing yourself and others? The weather really does influence us, but starting with gratitude every morning, whatever the weather, makes the day fill with hope and light. After the rain, comes the sun, and usually after the sun, comes the rain (unless you live in the desert). So in this, we find that the absence of one, heightens the gratitude of the one or the other. ( or both)

Your expectations of yourself

about a particular relationship that has gone awry, need a solid amount of time to really look at what you want, how you want it, and what you have to do in order to get what you want with that relationship.
This requires time, a peaceful attitude, hope, pen and paper and the willingness to start making plans , leaving them for a day, coming back to them and starting all over again until you are happy with the result.Can you do it? Do you have the commitment

The utter pain of expectations

I realise as I write that I have been doing it again! I'm still expecting something from a certain step daughter. In fact if, I'm honest and we all know it's hardest of all to be honest to yourself, then I've continued to expect the same thing from her for months now, even years. WOW! What a lot of expectations down the drain! What a lot of wasted energy and angst! And how incredibly boring! Okay, so here goes, this is a commitment right here to give up expectations of her doing or being any particular way, and letting her have the freedom and dignity to find her own way. I set myself free, and in doing so, set her free. I will have to monitor this one and make sure I am carrying it out every day. Here goes............

How to achieve peace of mind

Even if your sister appears to have dumped you by not inviting you for a dinner date with other family members, she can never exclude you. It is only your own lack of confidence and lack of self esteem that might tell you that you have been rejected. In other words, no-one else can reject you, only yourself.  So have peace of mind and remember you love yourself even if someone in your family excludes you in some way. It is something to do with them, not your lack.

Congratulations

Congratulations to Jayson Collins American NBA player for coming out. He said he had been living a lie and he wanted to change that! It's a really hard decision for a star to be so visible and contrary to what Dr Ruth said, I think it's absolutely great. She said she had mixed feelings about it but really she thought that by him coming out it put pressure on others to show their sexuality. It does have bearing on others, but it's not pressure, its encouragement.